2

Loving and Updating

So here we are, celebrating love one step at a time.

Congratulations to The US of A – and let’s not forget Ireland – for same love.

I apologize for lack of activities on this blog lately. I’ve just been sorting through some feelings and other nonsense, too uninspired to write.

But I have been utterly inspired to paint and painted I have.

I’ve decided to take a hiatus on Justice June. The laziness and procrastination got the best of me and I feel slightly bad though on the flipside I will admit to being flaky when it comes to promising art. Before I started the Star Wars portrait series, I solemnly swore never to promise anything and then 2 lovely weeks of Star Wars passed by and I thought, “Hey, you can do this. Let’s stretch it out for a month!” And then it all just fell apart.

And now it’s nearing the end of June and I’m still very much unsure whether I want to take Justice June over to July and finish up the month.

For now, painting, just painting, is enough.

Foetal

Foetal

Water Lady

Water Lady

Mohawk

Mohawk – hair-flipping self-portrait (not a painting)

Wildling Fire - Tormund Giantsbane aka the greatest ginger god of them all

Wildling Fire – Tormund Giantsbane aka the greatest ginger god of them all

Colored - interestingly enough I was painting this in the midst of all the marriage equality excitement yesterday

Colored – interestingly enough I was painting this in the midst of all the marriage equality excitement yesterday

In other news, exam results are out and I can proudly say that I have graduated with honors in English and that I did pretty good this semester.

The whole excitement of graduation has got me missing a few people and even though I loathed college, I think I loved it too.

Onto the next chapter.

And a musical parting gift:

I messed up the first line but in my defense, the batteries I had charged the previous night were completely dead when I put them in the camera, thus began a tedious journey of dying camera and cutoff recordings for the next 3 hours.

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0

Dear Universe #5 – Have I been talking about Star Wars day too much?

Dear Universe,

What a week! Finished my Star Wars paintings, celebrated Star Wars Day by catching a cold, got my exam admit card finally, and started kickboxing. My arms feel super cool. So I guess, we’ve got a lot to address:

Dear Star Wars day,

Why did you come so soon? Now I feel so purposeless. I know I should be studying instead but my mind keeps whizzing to every single painting that I could potentially paint ever.

Whoever thought of this pun must be so pleased with themselves

Whoever thought of this pun must be so pleased with themselves

Despite all that, I am so utterly grateful that I kicked my ass finally to committing to something daily. Even if it was just me that truly enjoyed those blissful two weeks and a half.

Also, I owe the composition of my “Master Skywalker” piece to my brother who is a Fine Arts graduate. If he wasn’t surfing reddit for those old school Mark Hamill pics, I would have never painted Luke Skywalker because I do think he’s quite a pansy. Turns out, that was one of my favorite ones I did.

Sincerely, a very satisfied, relieved and confused artist


Dear cold that keeps trying to sneak up on me,

I felt you on Wednesday morning, and I stopped you in your tracks right then and there. You could say: Gotcha!

If anyone is interested in what I do to get over a cold:

  • Snag it when you feel it coming on. Your body is wired to react to its needs so when it’s there, you’ll know it’s there.
  • In the earliest stages, have some mild over-the-counter type medication, like Crocin. Nothing over the top. Cough syrup here and there.
  • If it’s a sore throat – all the colds I get start with a tingling in the throat – then make sure to breathe through your nose. This may sound weird but I got over a sore throat once just by breathing through my nose, not through my mouth. And generally, mouth-breathing tends to agitate the soreness.
  • Also, brew yourself some ginger tea with honey and buy some ginger flavored cough drops. We get Vicks over here and I find that the ginger ones work wonders. The honey ones are probably the worst for me. My dad LOVES adding ginger to everything he cooks that, frankly I’m over ginger-based dishes. That one year we spent in Tokyo with mom and bro over in Delhi was a complete ginger overload. But I’m finding my exception with ginger tea and ginger candy.
  • Get all the gooey stuff out in the morning and in the evening. Super gross and yet satisfying, like when you squeeze a pimple.
  • Most importantly, stay active. I learned this from my brother, wise sage that he is. The worst thing that you can do with a fever is to lie around all day. Trust me, I wasted two weeks of my life lying around during a sickness when I had to do was get up. And yeah, if you have a cold in the summer, you’re likely to sweat like a waterfall even just walking around the house but you’ll get over your illness faster.
  • Drink lots of water to counter the sweating.

So yeah. Kicked your ass.

Sincerely, not sick anymore


Dearest Constipation,

 Please.

Yours Truly, Esther


Dear kickboxing workout videos,

I feel the force is growing in me. I feel my muscles turning into steel. Yes, that must be it for I am stiff everywhere and I walk funny.

I hope that you can be a gateway into an MMA future for me. Then I can finally live out my life-long dream of becoming a Power Ranger. They will finally pick me and I will have my own Zord.

I can be a part of this, right? Right??

I can be a part of this, right? Right??

Sincerely, Power Ranger in the making


Dear sexist dinner guest

It is not okay to say that you can hit anyone whether it’s a young lad or lass to do their work. It is not okay to say that it’s easier to send a young man to do stuff because you can hit them if they disobey. And it’s certainly not okay to say that it’s harder to send a young woman to do stuff because you can’t hit them. As much as you think you’re doing us a favor by implying that you’d never hit a woman, you’re very wrong. Why would you hit someone to begin with? That’s the worst incentive I can think of.

Go back to the 50s with your misogyny. Go back to the 1700s if you want so much to hit people to do your bidding.

Sincerely, I-can’t-even-believe-how-hard-I’m-rolling-my-eyes


Dear future dinner guests,

If you make any sort of intolerant comments, you know where the door is.

Sincerely, host who is trying to weed out the world one dinner guest at a time



And that’s that. Good day, Universe.

Sincerely, Esther

2

Can you hear me?

As she stood there repeating herself, she wondered if she should have spoken louder.

She was fresh out of college when it started. She didn’t think much of it at the time because it happened too frequently to be noticed. Whenever she heard the inevitable What? she would clear her throat and repeat louder, never blinking twice. She was an only child, a shining emblem to carry her bloodline forward. She had to be heard. So she scoured the internet for free voice lessons because singers are always heard.

Somewhere around high school, she gained the confidence to say what she had to say. The repetitions became less frequent but were still unavoidably there. It was like a giant bug on her back; she couldn’t see it herself but she knew it was there and that others could see it. She sang in a few talent shows and brought her guitar and sang alone or with a couple of friends during study hall. Although she knew she wasn’t the best singer, couldn’t even reach those high notes without her voice cracking, in those moments she was happiest.

Then she took a year off after high school to pursue her interests. Her voice boomed louder than it ever had. Colors and ideas and inspiration came oozing out of her eyes, ears and mouth, she almost drowned in herself. She got so lost in the noise that she forgot about the future until it came and there was radio silence.

She found she could barely speak in college. She had to repeat herself more than twenty times a day. She knew this because she kept score of every single defect in her speech in the hope that she could concoct a cure somehow. Then she turned to writing; surely her words would leave an impression on people’s minds. And it made a difference, but only a slight one.

When she fell in love for the first time, she felt a sharp pain in her chest and her voice was too loud and out of control. She broke it off because it was too much to handle.

On the day that she graduated, she hugged her parents when she received her degree. They congratulated her heartily and she said thank you. She went about socializing with her fellow graduates and she knew now, that maybe it was the atmosphere of euphoria that intoxicated their senses. They drove home after lunch and the first thing she did was turn on her laptop to a headhunting website.

“I’m sending out a bunch of resumés,” she said, completely pleased with herself.

“What?” her father asked.

“I said I’m sending out resumés,” she cut her sentence short hoping he would piece the words together easily. He gave a warm smile, gave her a pat on the back and went back to reading his newspaper. She shrugged it off but when she received a job offer the next week, her parents were taken aback. To every explanation she gave, she received an even bolder What?

The job she accepted was a writing post in a local magazine. Her boss told her that she wrote exceptionally well but he asked, “Why don’t you ever speak up?” Then he turned around and left, her lip quivering in silence. So she became that one employee who never spoke, never said hello or goodbye or thank you or sorry, that one employee who had no manners.

She moved out of her parents’ house and rented a small but quaint apartment that was closer to work. She would visit them every month and every month, she would catch her mother unabashedly changing her clothes, adding a little too much rum in her Rum ’n Coke, or her father scratching an itch underneath his belt buckle, taking out an inexplicably large wad of cash from a safe box, looking at pictures of pretty girls on the internet. On Christmas Eve, she went over to their place, her old home, and rang the doorbell almost 21 times before she gave up. Her mother called the next day asking why she wasn’t there for the dinner party.

“But I was,” she said. “I rang the doorbell so many times and left because I thought you went out.”

“Hello? Sweetheart, is something wrong? Why won’t you answer me?”

The phone dropped from her face. Life was at a standstill and suddenly she was struck by lightning. It occurred to her that she was disappearing, turning into a simmering heap of ashes. She stepped outside of the apartment building and waited for a wind to pick her up and carry her away. She thought, no one will ever know.

And life went on without her.

And as for me, I didn’t know her, didn’t even know her first name. Yet, as my fingers urgently race across the keys, she comes back in flashes of memories. I hear her voice, I think that’s her voice, when they say What?


I’ve been repeating myself a lot lately. Could be I’m not loud enough, could be everyone else is deaf.

And then I thought, what if this wasn’t just about my voice? What would happen if you slowly disappeared out of other people’s senses? What if it was more than voice but actually you that disappears?

2

Ode to College

In the first year
I learned names
Of people, places and things;
Of the functionality of fancy words.

In the second year
I learned
The fatuity of that ‘F’ word;
That friends come and leave your soul darker;
That family is thinner than blood;
That the firsts will finish and be forgotten.

In the third year
I learned
The sincerity of that ‘F’ word;
That friend is all you need;
That family of thickest blood
Will revitalize the things you’ve lost;
That forgiveness is a favor for those you’ve forgotten.

 


 

A summary in verse form of my three years in college as a young woman, a daughter/sister/cousin/niece, an English major and a bit of a sociopath.

4

Dear Universe # 3 (Up Dog)

Dear Universe,

For the past two weeks, my weeks have gotten exponentially better. And I’m very happy and grateful for this but I don’t know if people want to keep reading what an awesome time I’m having 😛

Dear Readers,

  1. I was having issues with my previous theme. I liked the color scheme of teal and that beautiful plum-ish red color. The text just appeared too large to me. So I’m making adjustments. Bear with me as I see what fits best for the next few days.
  2. I am so pleasantly overwhelmed by the response I’m receiving on this blog. Thanks to my father and mother for sharing the shit out of some of my blog posts and thank you to all the strangers who have liked my posts and found me interesting enough to follow. 10+ followers in two weeks, to me, is a super achievement. It’s my wordpress version of receiving a giant bag of jelly beans with all the best flavors in the entire universe.
  3. I hope I’m not annoying you with all my weird posts.
I apologize for the low quality but it's too early to do anything (11:34 am on a Saturday)

I apologize for the low quality but it’s too early to do anything (11:34 am on a Saturday)

Yours Truly, Esther


Dear WordPress Themes,

Who do you hire to write all these strange fillers? Here’s one I actually read right now:

“These are the times, when in his whale-boat the rover softly feels a certain filial, confident, land-like feeling towards the sea; that he regards it as so much flowery earth; and the distant ship revealing only the tops of her masts, seems struggling forward, not through high rolling waves, but through the tall grass of a rolling prairie: as when the western emigrants’ horses only show their erected ears, while their hidden bodies widely wade through the amazing verdure.”

What an incredible run-on. So much epicosity.

Sincerely, A Cheerily Confused User


Dear Johnny English,

I finally broke your sleeping curse. It used to be that I would sleep every single time I put on the first or second movies. When I was about 18, I had this habit of putting in movies into my tiny-ass iPod so that I could fall asleep at night with a soft light shining on my face. I’d call these “Sleepers”. But, I discovered just the other day that I have broken the sleeping curse set upon mine eyes by Johnny English: Reborn. To celebrate, here’s something I painted to commemorate the triumphant return of my consciousness:

Johnny English
Sincerely, Someone Who Watches Too Many Movies Asleep


Dear Paul Walker Fever,

First of all, RIP Paul Walker. You were one of the best humans in the world. I say this not because of your movies but because of what you did outside those movies helping others in need without needing to show it in pictures. Second of all, let me address the addressee: why, oh why, have you infected the minds of people who don’t really know your namesake? You mention the name Paul Walker just once here and everyone literally breaks down in tears. Why? Because he won’t be around for another Fast & Furious movie. That’s it. Who is he really? Dunno.

Sincerely, Someone Who Is Trying To Make It Stop


Dear Formal Logic Class,

Remember that time you guys were being complete assholes to me and my friend and not telling us where class is and all that? The satisfaction upon seeing your clueless faces the day after none of you attended a class finishing one whole chapter was priceless and made me feel like an evil genius.

Sincerely, Someone Who Is Not In The Formal Logic Whatsapp Group


Dear Netflix,

Please continue to dominate the world with your amazing TV Shows. And keep Daredevil alive forever please.

Yours Truly, Psyched for Season Two


Dear Poetry,

How is it that you’ve been right before my eyes all this time and I’ve only just noticed you? Bad, poetry. Bad.

Sincerely, New Poetry Enthusiast



That was my update for this week. Have an amazing day and don’t forget to brighten up your life! Or make it darker. After all, black is a beautiful color.

Yours Truly, Esther

0

Of fish and other things

Okay.

I have ten minutes before class so I’m going to make this a quick and brief one.

First of all, I did not realize until I created this blog that the url can be misread as “The Year of Fish”. Let me clarify that I did not intend at all to mislead all ye fish lovers out there by expecting, finally, a blog dedicated entirely to bass, trout and salmon. I would like to say also that I am not a fish hater. And if the day comes when I do actually go fishing, I will make sure that I record that spectacular event and blog about it. That is a promise that I intend to keep. Though, I strongly suggest you not mark it out on your calendar.

Secondly, I would like to say WELCOME TO MY WORLD.

I wanted to keep the About page as short and sweet as possible so if you’re looking to know what kind of blog this is, that will probably be of no help whatsoever. So here goes.

Five minutes left.

Hi. Hello. Whaddup. My name is Esther and I will be a college graduate in a month. How time flies. I’m not entirely new to the WordPress community. In fact, I have a blog out there somewhere about music and other things. ironically enough, the most read post on that blog surrounds my roughly 6-month experience with horrible, gargantuan boils that erupted violently and erratically across my scalp and face. I can say now that I am boil-free.

————————————————————————————————————————————————————

Well, that failed fast.

Here I am, it is a cloudy and very lonely Saturday evening here at home. What can I say? I ran out of time.

I am an individual that enjoys learning, however, I very strongly detest being taught. I like discovering things on my own, and sure it may seem like I’m gloating at times but what can you say really when you ace solving categorical propositions all by your goddamn self? Yes, I have a test on categorical propositions on Monday.

I love creating art and music and writing and videos. As a snippet into my world, I will now prove to you that I’m not a maniac claiming a bunch of random and disconnected things. Here, watch:

IMGP8877

These are two paintings I did of Jennifer Connelly in poster colors because, why not have two Jennifers?

Electric Angel 2

A self-portrait done on Paint Tool Sai.

10

Some photography. That black goo coming out of my mouth is actually diluted black acrylic paint. Let me tell you boys and girls, do not ingest that shit…or put it in your mouth to begin with.

9

Another photograph highlighting hair. Basically, if you want to be photographed by me, you’ll need your best Willow Smith attitude, a lock of handsome hair and endure neck cramps the next day.

nietzschean supermen

A masterpiece of photo-manipulation I made because Nietzsche knew what he was talking about.

image201209140004_2

Me in a moustache. Clearly that’s what you do in your first semester of college.

image201209140004_3

Me in a moustache and a unibrow with red laserbeams shooting out of my pupils.

image201209140004_4

Me in a moustache, unibrow, red laserbeams, obliterating a green (green?) sea of little stickmen.

A cover of Vampire Money.

Now that I feel like an immense dork, I shall end this post. Please follow and favorite this post or any future posts if you’re enjoying your experience. And leave a comment! Seriously people, leave a comment. Say hi or something.