It’s been a while since I last wrote you. Everything’s been a bit hazy since then. I’ve produced painting after painting, the final exam results came out and they were kickass, I made a few videos that I will cringe at for eternity, I’m socializing in the real world step by tiny step, and today you really had my back. I believe in you, dear Universe. I love you to bits.
Dear June 3rd,
You were the day I started talking to someone so wonderful and smart. Something finally stirred inside this rickety chest of mine and it gave me beautiful hope for the future.
Dear June 7th,
You were the day I realized someone was too far away. You were also the day I was wide awake in church because my thoughts were so preoccupied. On a day kept aside for faith, I also doubted heavily and I should have known right then and there.
Dear last week of June and first week of July,
Thank you for completely stripping the nerves off my body. I had the revelation that friend-zones aren’t always the worst. And despite the feelings that died away, which my white blood cells fought to extinction, I continued talking to someone because someone was fascinating and funny. But the dick jokes and sexual overtones were sickening me. And when someone’s smoke high got the best of him, tried to push me away, I should have sped off. Godspeed, my child.
Dear July 16th,
You were a weird morning. I could feel that someone was nitpicking for an out and someone got it; over a ridiculous assumption a week after someone said, “you don’t know me.” Well, YOU don’t know me.
I never said anything, never wanted to assume anything of you but since you’ve started it, here goes:
Maybe grow up and stop smoking so much. Maybe cut the crap yourself about art and its pretentions. Maybe if you really were indifferent and you didn’t care, you’d shut up about it. The iteration and reiteration of not caring is caring. Maybe stop talking about dicks and vaginas. Maybe spend less time on a site full of teens and preteens without actively contributing yourself because you sounded exactly like a twelve-year-old at the end there. Maybe shove your conspiracies up your ass once in a while.
But I kept my mouth shut and let someone finish a – most likely – smoke high rant. Essence of supreme clarity, I call it.
And I was so fucking happy it was over. There was my one and a half month of something new and exciting in a single click of the “Remove” button. So long sucker. Now I can finally sleep without the anxiety of waking up to someone who makes me doubtful of myself.
I never said anything with a double-meaning. And I told someone I would never do that. But still, that someone assumed too much.
And then you, July 16th, you beautiful heart you, you (I know that’s a lot of you’s) had my back. In the midst of the confusion and utter disbelief on my part, you surprised me with a lot of love on something I put my heart into. And my hope grew stronger.
Sincerely, Grateful for the experience and the memories
You were a short story I’ve spent the most time working on. You took me a while to finish but the payoff was and is amazing. You are a short story about my parents’ love and about the things I want to look for and avoid in love. And it hurt my heart and soul to write you. But today, you were featured on an art website (you can probably guess which site since I mention it in my Art section A LOT), and now more and more people are reading about my love. And I am so thankful that during a time of uncertainty and just bizarreness, you were there to hold my head in place.
Sincerely, Grateful to the end
Dear Art and Music,
Thanks for sticking by my side day and night. Maybe our search for something deeper in you is futile because it all comes down to a deep and never-ending black pit called Death but I refuse to believe in a life wasted just because there’s something ugly waiting at the end of the tunnel. And perhaps no one will ever see your art or listen to your music; that is no reason not to create. We leave a part of our souls in everything we do, even in the boring things like mathematics and your grandpa’s old war stories, and we connect. Nothing shows hope and connection better than Woolf’s Mrs. Dalloway. Those are the values I live by. Superficial or not, I am stuck with you.
Sincerely, Grateful to humanity
Today’s letter has been a bit hard and a lot easy to write. I’m glad we could talk about, Universe. Until next time.
Yours Truly, Echo