Dear Universe #6

Dear Universe,

It’s been a while since I last wrote you. Everything’s been a bit hazy since then. I’ve produced painting after painting, the final exam results came out and they were kickass, I made a few videos that I will cringe at for eternity, I’m socializing in the real world step by tiny step, and today you really had my back. I believe in you, dear Universe. I love you to bits.

Dear June 3rd,

You were the day I started talking to someone so wonderful and smart. Something finally stirred inside this rickety chest of mine and it gave me beautiful hope for the future.

Dear June 7th,

You were the day I realized someone was too far away. You were also the day I was wide awake in church because my thoughts were so preoccupied. On a day kept aside for faith, I also doubted heavily and I should have known right then and there.

Dear last week of June and first week of July,

Thank you for completely stripping the nerves off my body. I had the revelation that friend-zones aren’t always the worst. And despite the feelings that died away, which my white blood cells fought to extinction, I continued talking to someone because someone was fascinating and funny. But the dick jokes and sexual overtones were sickening me. And when someone’s smoke high got the best of him, tried to push me away, I should have sped off. Godspeed, my child.

Dear July 16th,

You were a weird morning. I could feel that someone was nitpicking for an out and someone got it; over a ridiculous assumption a week after someone said, “you don’t know me.” Well, YOU don’t know me.

I never said anything, never wanted to assume anything of you but since you’ve started it, here goes:

Maybe grow up and stop smoking so much. Maybe cut the crap yourself about art and its pretentions. Maybe if you really were indifferent and you didn’t care, you’d shut up about it. The iteration and reiteration of not caring is caring. Maybe stop talking about dicks and vaginas. Maybe spend less time on a site full of teens and preteens without actively contributing yourself because you sounded exactly like a twelve-year-old at the end there. Maybe shove your conspiracies up your ass once in a while.

But I kept my mouth shut and let someone finish a – most likely – smoke high rant. Essence of supreme clarity, I call it.

And I was so fucking happy it was over. There was my one and a half month of something new and exciting in a single click of the “Remove” button. So long sucker. Now I can finally sleep without the anxiety of waking up to someone who makes me doubtful of myself.

I never said anything with a double-meaning. And I told someone I would never do that. But still, that someone assumed too much.

And then you, July 16th, you beautiful heart you, you (I know that’s a lot of you’s) had my back. In the midst of the confusion and utter disbelief on my part, you surprised me with a lot of love on something I put my heart into. And my hope grew stronger.

Sincerely, Grateful for the experience and the memories

Dear She,

You were a short story I’ve spent the most time working on. You took me a while to finish but the payoff was and is amazing. You are a short story about my parents’ love and about the things I want to look for and avoid in love. And it hurt my heart and soul to write you. But today, you were featured on an art website (you can probably guess which site since I mention it in my Art section A LOT), and now more and more people are reading about my love. And I am so thankful that during a time of uncertainty and just bizarreness, you were there to hold my head in place.

Sincerely, Grateful to the end

Dear Art and Music,

Thanks for sticking by my side day and night. Maybe our search for something deeper in you is futile because it all comes down to a deep and never-ending black pit called Death but I refuse to believe in a life wasted just because there’s something ugly waiting at the end of the tunnel. And perhaps no one will ever see your art or listen to your music; that is no reason not to create. We leave a part of our souls in everything we do, even in the boring things like mathematics and your grandpa’s old war stories, and we connect. Nothing shows hope and connection better than Woolf’s Mrs. Dalloway. Those are the values I live by. Superficial or not, I am stuck with you.

Sincerely, Grateful to humanity

Today’s letter has been a bit hard and a lot easy to write. I’m glad we could talk about, Universe. Until next time.

Yours Truly, Echo


Dear Universe #5 – Have I been talking about Star Wars day too much?

Dear Universe,

What a week! Finished my Star Wars paintings, celebrated Star Wars Day by catching a cold, got my exam admit card finally, and started kickboxing. My arms feel super cool. So I guess, we’ve got a lot to address:

Dear Star Wars day,

Why did you come so soon? Now I feel so purposeless. I know I should be studying instead but my mind keeps whizzing to every single painting that I could potentially paint ever.

Whoever thought of this pun must be so pleased with themselves

Whoever thought of this pun must be so pleased with themselves

Despite all that, I am so utterly grateful that I kicked my ass finally to committing to something daily. Even if it was just me that truly enjoyed those blissful two weeks and a half.

Also, I owe the composition of my “Master Skywalker” piece to my brother who is a Fine Arts graduate. If he wasn’t surfing reddit for those old school Mark Hamill pics, I would have never painted Luke Skywalker because I do think he’s quite a pansy. Turns out, that was one of my favorite ones I did.

Sincerely, a very satisfied, relieved and confused artist

Dear cold that keeps trying to sneak up on me,

I felt you on Wednesday morning, and I stopped you in your tracks right then and there. You could say: Gotcha!

If anyone is interested in what I do to get over a cold:

  • Snag it when you feel it coming on. Your body is wired to react to its needs so when it’s there, you’ll know it’s there.
  • In the earliest stages, have some mild over-the-counter type medication, like Crocin. Nothing over the top. Cough syrup here and there.
  • If it’s a sore throat – all the colds I get start with a tingling in the throat – then make sure to breathe through your nose. This may sound weird but I got over a sore throat once just by breathing through my nose, not through my mouth. And generally, mouth-breathing tends to agitate the soreness.
  • Also, brew yourself some ginger tea with honey and buy some ginger flavored cough drops. We get Vicks over here and I find that the ginger ones work wonders. The honey ones are probably the worst for me. My dad LOVES adding ginger to everything he cooks that, frankly I’m over ginger-based dishes. That one year we spent in Tokyo with mom and bro over in Delhi was a complete ginger overload. But I’m finding my exception with ginger tea and ginger candy.
  • Get all the gooey stuff out in the morning and in the evening. Super gross and yet satisfying, like when you squeeze a pimple.
  • Most importantly, stay active. I learned this from my brother, wise sage that he is. The worst thing that you can do with a fever is to lie around all day. Trust me, I wasted two weeks of my life lying around during a sickness when I had to do was get up. And yeah, if you have a cold in the summer, you’re likely to sweat like a waterfall even just walking around the house but you’ll get over your illness faster.
  • Drink lots of water to counter the sweating.

So yeah. Kicked your ass.

Sincerely, not sick anymore

Dearest Constipation,


Yours Truly, Esther

Dear kickboxing workout videos,

I feel the force is growing in me. I feel my muscles turning into steel. Yes, that must be it for I am stiff everywhere and I walk funny.

I hope that you can be a gateway into an MMA future for me. Then I can finally live out my life-long dream of becoming a Power Ranger. They will finally pick me and I will have my own Zord.

I can be a part of this, right? Right??

I can be a part of this, right? Right??

Sincerely, Power Ranger in the making

Dear sexist dinner guest

It is not okay to say that you can hit anyone whether it’s a young lad or lass to do their work. It is not okay to say that it’s easier to send a young man to do stuff because you can hit them if they disobey. And it’s certainly not okay to say that it’s harder to send a young woman to do stuff because you can’t hit them. As much as you think you’re doing us a favor by implying that you’d never hit a woman, you’re very wrong. Why would you hit someone to begin with? That’s the worst incentive I can think of.

Go back to the 50s with your misogyny. Go back to the 1700s if you want so much to hit people to do your bidding.

Sincerely, I-can’t-even-believe-how-hard-I’m-rolling-my-eyes

Dear future dinner guests,

If you make any sort of intolerant comments, you know where the door is.

Sincerely, host who is trying to weed out the world one dinner guest at a time

And that’s that. Good day, Universe.

Sincerely, Esther


Dear Universe #4

Dear Universe,

This week was (finally) the beginning of my study break. I have one more week and then it’s exams all the way!

I’ve got mixed feelings about this blog…more like missed feelings. Maybe it’s the effect of staying at home but when you’re lying about in comfort, nothing really happens does it?

Dear Avengers: Age of Ultron,

Wow! I watched you on Wednesday with my brother on his day off and I’m still thinking about what I saw. I don’t know which is better the first or the second. You know, we as an audience really owe it all to the genius that is Joss Whedon. The weight and worth of any TV show is always dependent upon its writers and that is no less the case for movies. Now, we all know that Mr. Whedon is a comic book mastermind and I feel the reason why I can’t choose between the first or the second movies is because of consistency. Every time there is a change of regular writers in a TV show, the balance shifts and some people on one half fall off the scales. That’s exactly what happened to Community. Thankfully, they brought Dan Harmon back. Whew!

But it was more than just consistency. Despite bringing in new characters, the new information we were exposed to was not at all overwhelming in any way. It did not turn out to be a cameo overload like the first episode of Gotham was –groans– but these introductions were done so naturally. We already anticipated them in previous movies. Not only that but they brought in Guardians of The Galaxy so neatly with Thor’s epiphany and oh-so casually mentioned Wakanda.

I still don’t know how to feel about Bruce and Natasha.

Pietro’s hair was phenomenal.

Clint mentioned one of the most profound lines in cinema history: No one uses dining rooms anymore.

I’ve never seen such beautiful hand-wielding but Wanda blew my mind to bits with her glowing red hands.

And Pietro’s hair was PHUH-NO-ME-NAL!

A little tribute I made.

A little tribute I made.

Sincerely, someone whose money was well spent

Dear Brain,

Hello you. I think it’s high time you stop narrativizing and conceptualizing every single thing you see to make more art and writing and start actually studying like a good little brain. Yeah?

Even though that’s never gonna happen. Wishful thinking never hurt no one…

Sincerely, Exam Season

Dear 2016 & 2017,

I just saw this last night:

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Are you seriously going to take all the cash out of my wallet like this? With absolutely no second thoughts?

PS: 2017, Fantastic 4 II? Really?

Sincerely, someone who will be asking for alms real soon

Dearest Bella,

I’m glad you contacted me yesterday. It’s been a while since we talked right?

I’m so happy for all the wonderful things happening in your life. It’s funny how back in the days you were the one in our group obsessed with boys and the girly things in life and now you’ve truly become a woman and for that I am so happy and proud like a mother watching her children get awarded by the President or something.

Yours truly, Esther

Dear Re/Award,

Stop constantly confusing me. You’re wrinklin’ my brain.

Sincerely, The language functional part of my brain

Dear Car Radio,

Too many commercial breaks, not enough songs. Amiright people? Amiright?

At least it’s be better than this:

I have these thoughts
So often I ought
To replace that slot
With what I once bought
‘Cause somebody stole
My car radio
And now I just sit in silence

–(“Car Radio” by Twenty One Pilots)

Sincerely, a population that doesn’t need your products shoved down its throat

Dear Future,

Please don’t make me laze around all day. I mean I don’t technically because I do things…on my laptop. In other words, please see that you push me outside to the social world. Sure, I may think socializing is stupid but the truth is, when your mind connects with someone else’s even in a superficial way, your thoughts start churning and those rickety wheels in your head turn to inspiration.

The best things in life are almost always a surprise, unknown and unplanned.

Sincerely, person in the present

Dear Administration Systems,

I want to address this to the administration systems in Delhi but really this is a problem that we face everywhere in the world. Why do your employees insist on being so inefficient??

I spent 4 hours in college today trying to get my exam admit card and still didn’t get it.

When someone tells you to come back on Tuesday but then says something can be done in 10 minutes, you know there’s something truly wrong when their first response was to procrastinate.

Sincerely, disappointed with the system

I’ve been thinking so hard of what else to address but really I haven’t done much except for spending more than half my days just painting on my laptop. Need to get out of that.

But I’m only doing it till May 4th, I promise.

Yours Truly, Esther


Dear Universe # 3 (Up Dog)

Dear Universe,

For the past two weeks, my weeks have gotten exponentially better. And I’m very happy and grateful for this but I don’t know if people want to keep reading what an awesome time I’m having 😛

Dear Readers,

  1. I was having issues with my previous theme. I liked the color scheme of teal and that beautiful plum-ish red color. The text just appeared too large to me. So I’m making adjustments. Bear with me as I see what fits best for the next few days.
  2. I am so pleasantly overwhelmed by the response I’m receiving on this blog. Thanks to my father and mother for sharing the shit out of some of my blog posts and thank you to all the strangers who have liked my posts and found me interesting enough to follow. 10+ followers in two weeks, to me, is a super achievement. It’s my wordpress version of receiving a giant bag of jelly beans with all the best flavors in the entire universe.
  3. I hope I’m not annoying you with all my weird posts.
I apologize for the low quality but it's too early to do anything (11:34 am on a Saturday)

I apologize for the low quality but it’s too early to do anything (11:34 am on a Saturday)

Yours Truly, Esther

Dear WordPress Themes,

Who do you hire to write all these strange fillers? Here’s one I actually read right now:

“These are the times, when in his whale-boat the rover softly feels a certain filial, confident, land-like feeling towards the sea; that he regards it as so much flowery earth; and the distant ship revealing only the tops of her masts, seems struggling forward, not through high rolling waves, but through the tall grass of a rolling prairie: as when the western emigrants’ horses only show their erected ears, while their hidden bodies widely wade through the amazing verdure.”

What an incredible run-on. So much epicosity.

Sincerely, A Cheerily Confused User

Dear Johnny English,

I finally broke your sleeping curse. It used to be that I would sleep every single time I put on the first or second movies. When I was about 18, I had this habit of putting in movies into my tiny-ass iPod so that I could fall asleep at night with a soft light shining on my face. I’d call these “Sleepers”. But, I discovered just the other day that I have broken the sleeping curse set upon mine eyes by Johnny English: Reborn. To celebrate, here’s something I painted to commemorate the triumphant return of my consciousness:

Johnny English
Sincerely, Someone Who Watches Too Many Movies Asleep

Dear Paul Walker Fever,

First of all, RIP Paul Walker. You were one of the best humans in the world. I say this not because of your movies but because of what you did outside those movies helping others in need without needing to show it in pictures. Second of all, let me address the addressee: why, oh why, have you infected the minds of people who don’t really know your namesake? You mention the name Paul Walker just once here and everyone literally breaks down in tears. Why? Because he won’t be around for another Fast & Furious movie. That’s it. Who is he really? Dunno.

Sincerely, Someone Who Is Trying To Make It Stop

Dear Formal Logic Class,

Remember that time you guys were being complete assholes to me and my friend and not telling us where class is and all that? The satisfaction upon seeing your clueless faces the day after none of you attended a class finishing one whole chapter was priceless and made me feel like an evil genius.

Sincerely, Someone Who Is Not In The Formal Logic Whatsapp Group

Dear Netflix,

Please continue to dominate the world with your amazing TV Shows. And keep Daredevil alive forever please.

Yours Truly, Psyched for Season Two

Dear Poetry,

How is it that you’ve been right before my eyes all this time and I’ve only just noticed you? Bad, poetry. Bad.

Sincerely, New Poetry Enthusiast

That was my update for this week. Have an amazing day and don’t forget to brighten up your life! Or make it darker. After all, black is a beautiful color.

Yours Truly, Esther


Dear Universe #2 (Drama!)

Dear Universe,

I always ask for excitement in my life because I am overall very boring (although ‘boring’ is open to interpretation here). And this week, I got more than I bargained for:

Dear Monday Drama,

Well, that was something! I can’t believe how confusing and puzzling and weird you were. You left me with so many mixed emotions of dumbfoundedness and anger and annoyance and so much sympathy. And on top of it all, I can’t believe I wasn’t actually there when the drama ensued! Should I be happy or sad that I avoided it…?

My perception of someone has changed forever. It’s funny how you live life so obliviously wanting to believe that there is goodness and rationality in a select few people. And then they burst into flames and reveal their inner demons and it is just the most disappointing thing in the world, right next to a Choco Vanilla ice-cream cone without the chocolate tip-end.

Sincerely, a dissapointed witness to very pathetic drama

Dear Woman who revealed her inner demon,

There are very few brave and empowered women like you in the world and I commend you so much on the fact that you’re never afraid to speak your mind. It’s a quality that is a must-have when you live in a city like Delhi where you look on your left and there’s a perv and you look on your right and there’s another perv. But I feel like you’re one of those women that turns your self-empowerment into something very nasty. And I say women here and not person for a reason.

I think it’s so wrong when certain women see their temper as a virtue. And it’s sad because it’s a trait that we’ve had to look at as a virtue due to years and years of patriarchal domination. But in light of feminism and other institutions of equality, I think it’s time to let go of it. There is no reason why you can’t have an argument with someone without cool heads and reason, over dirty dirty jabs. When you demean someone in public with a lot of spectators watching in an exchange that was only meant to be an argument and you scream your head off, well for one you’re psycho. You should get that checked. And secondly, you’re being a bully.

I’m relieved I wasn’t there to witness your inner demon but I’m also pissed that I wasn’t there to defend the person you were unreasonably shouting at.

PS: A third-party apology is not an apology.

Sincerely, a concerned human

Dear Friend,

I’m so sorry I wasn’t there to defend you as you were being screamed at. I know how levelheaded and respectful you are when you converse with people whether it’s a professor or a friend, your respect is well-received. But in this case, I wish I was there as your retaliation.

It’s funny how all my life I’ve wanted to be in such a conflict just for the sake of defending myself and every time it happens, it happens to the people around me.

Sincerely, your friend who feels insufficient and remorseful

Dear Professors,

Thank you so much for the amazing feedback! After Wednesday, my week was on an unbelievable incline. I’m very happy that I gave one of you a good night’s sleep and I’m so happy that another one of you literally told me I had the potential to ace my exam. Thank you Universe for reciprocating all my hard work!

Sincerely, Ecstatic Student

Dear Once Upon A Time,

1) Why doesn’t someone follow their own completely different plotline to force The Author to write everyone a happy ending? All this drama is so fickle.

2) Snow White is an evil bitch. Seriously, ignorance can only get you so far. How did you think it right under any circumstance to put the potential – and let me highlight here POTENTIAL, not the actual evil itself – to evil of your unborn child to another mother’s unborn child? Fucking use your head. You did reclaim a little bit of your dignity when you stopped your boneheaded husband from burning the page but still. How naive you are.

3) With the new Robin Hood plot, I can’t even. They’re really twisting things around in a desperate way, not at all clever, not at all believable. NOT AT ALL.

4) I’ll still watch the show.

Sincerely, Mixed Emotions TV Maniac

And to everyone else:

Hi! Did you have a good week?

Here’s something I’ve been working on since Tuesday evening:


Those were the highlights (and lowlights) of my week. So weird to be pissed and yet euphoric at the same time.

Sincerely, Esther

Dear Universe #1 (TV Shows & Sticky Fingers)

Dear Universe,

We’re smack in the middle of April 2015 now and I’m left with two more weeks of regular classes before graduation. I don’t know how to feel about it. I can’t say that I didn’t enjoy my experience at college but then again I can’t say that I did. I’m perpetually in the meh zone. But here’s a bunch of things I’d like to address:

Dear Brain,

Why don’t you ever want to read anymore? It’s simple and it requires absolutely no effort. Just slide your eyes left to right, left to right. I hope this is an easy case of Post-College Stress Disorder. Get back into it, will ya?

Sincerely, Your Heart.

Dear Ears,

Get into something good. Go out there and explore new music, stop being a lazy ass and relying on TV shows. TV is not everything. The Vampire Diaries has a few good gems but other than that, The Walking Dead plays nothing but intense you’re-about-to-be-eaten-alive instrumentals, The 100 doesn’t really have any music, Once Upon A Time plays that whimsical fairy tale shit, Sleepy Hollow only has its opening and closing credits, Bones has given up on that 5 seasons ago, The Big Bang Theory is still playing the full-length version of that annoying nerd intro, Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. plays the same superhero music as in Thor, Captain America, Iron Man, Spider-Man, and any other future ‘-Man’ movies. Basically, just wait patiently for the next season of Nevermind The Buzzcocks.

Or quit being a snob.

Sincerely, your music-deprived self.

Dear Sticky Fingers,

Apparently, I meant to say Dear Sticky Fingaz

WHY oh why did you unlike that post you just accidentally liked on Facebook? Now she will know. Now she will know forever…

Sincerely, Online Social Etiquette.

Dear Breakfast Foods,

Why would anybody ever eat anything besides breakfast food? I had to have it twice today.

Sincerely, my stomach that wants to devour you.

I guess those are the things I wanted to address for the past week, Universe. Oh, and here’s a parting gift:

Sincerely, an anxiously awaiting near-graduate.